Beyond the “Dream Client”: Embracing Compatibility in Doula Work
There’s a common phrase floating around in the business world that has crept into doula culture: "Define your dream client."
Or worse, "Manifest your ideal client."
At first glance, it makes sense. We all want to work with people who make our jobs feel aligned, fulfilling, and comfortable. But what if this idea—this myth of the perfect client—is actually keeping us small? What if it’s creating a box that limits the full depth of who we can support, and how deeply we can grow in our own practice?
Let’s talk about something more expansive: compatibility.
I’ve been working on a top-secret passion project of sorts. In one section, I was thinking about the “dream client” term. It didn’t feel quite right for my vision. As I was showing my project to one of my doula besties, Amy, she didn’t love it either. Through some brainstorming, she realized what we wanted was a compatible client, not an “ideal” client.
Compatibility Over Perfection
In real life, relationships aren’t built on perfection. They’re built on connection, communication, and a mutual willingness to show up.
It’s the same with doula work. Instead of chasing some checklist version of a dream client—one who shops at the co-op, quotes the same books, and has the exact birth plan you’d write for yourself—consider this: What does it mean to vibe with someone?
Compatibility is about complimentary energies, not identical experiences. It’s about how two (or more) people meet in the in-between.
Maybe you’re the grounded, calm presence to their anxious, detail-oriented brain. Maybe your quiet confidence balances their need for reassurance.
Maybe you challenge each other, in gentle, respectful, growth-minded ways.
Duality Is Not Disconnection
In this work, you will support people who vote differently than you. Who worship differently than you. Who make different parenting choices. Who speak from different lived realities. This doesn’t mean you are incompatible.
It means you have an opportunity: to practice deep respect, clear boundaries, and nonjudgmental support.
You don’t need to share every core value to support someone with integrity. What matters is your ability to:
Stay true to your values without imposing them.
Hold space for others without shrinking your truth.
Recognize when differences are a healthy stretch; and when they cross into misalignment.
When It Doesn’t Work
Compatibility isn’t code for “take on every client no matter what.” There are times when energies, values, or expectations truly clash, and that’s okay.
Knowing who you work well with is powerful. So is knowing when to lovingly refer out. But these choices should come from clarity and experience, not a rigid dream client image you created on paper before you ever got in the field.
Stay Rooted, Stay Open
When we fixate on the idea of a “dream” or “ideal” client, we run the risk of filtering out complexity, curiosity, and growth. We close the door on the messy, beautiful truth of working with real people in real life.
Instead, ask yourself:
Who have I felt at home supporting?
Where do I feel both trusted and challenged?
What traits make for a connection that feels nourishing, for me and my clients?
Your values matter. Your vibe matters. But so does the dance between you and the people you support. You don’t have to be the same to be a good fit.
Let’s ditch the dream client myth and make room for something more human: genuine connection, brave conversations, and the magic of compatibility.
With love and all the good vibes,
Delanie King